WARNING: There’s strong sweary language in this post. Just in case you didn’t work it out from the title.
Some of you may remember that back as part of blogtober I did a post called Fuck Off Friday. You can read it here if you’re interested. Long story short it was a blog post summing up everything that had pissed me off that week. Everything I was totally over and that I could do with just, you know, fucking off. It ended up being one of the most popular posts on my blog to date.
So here we are again. Another month of blogging and a whole other list of the things that have wound me the fuck up recently. As it’s blogmas, this is gonna essentially be the Christmas edition.
But Charlotte, what the fuck is a magic monster? Well Internet, I’m glad you asked. These are the adult arseholes that go around ruining the Christmas magic for children everywhere. FOR NO FUCKING REASON except, I dunno, maybe someone did the same to them when they were younger. Or, you know, they’re just shitty people. The guy in sports direct who declared to an eight year old that Santa was dead and called him an idiot for believing. The person shouting outside a toy store that Santa isn’t real, telling them to ask their parents. Kids are only young once. Enjoy it and let them be kids. Sure one day they’ll stop believing but in their own time. Adults shouldn’t ruin the innocence and magic of this time of year for their own selfish reasons.
Christmas Tree Snobbery.
Real or fake. Ten foot or two. Green, pink or white. It doesn’t really matter and a lot of it is down to personal preference and individual circumstances. For instance an eight foot real tree probably isn’t practical for a studio apartment on the sixteenth floor. However every year everyone feels the need to show off their trees online, (I did a whole blog post) getting slightly braggy and competitive over the height, colour and decorations. Just letting y’all know that it doesn’t matter if you think someone else’s tree looks shit, or it isn’t decorated to your tastes / standards. If it isn’t in your home. Just mind your fucking own.
Susan, one of the admin in your most visited Facebook mums group, just loves to let everyone know at every opportunity she gets, that she’s basically mum of the year at this point. If Christmas was an Olympic sport, she’d win gold. Susan will be front row and way too over enthusiastic at the kids nativity. Her child will get a lead part, of course. A photo will appear on your news feed of all her little darlings prezzies under the tree where she’ll ask if spending over a grand on little Avacados thirty-seven presents is enough. Susan will spend weekend evenings creating paper snowflakes and decorations with her youngest two whilst also baking the most amazing Christmas cake. The rest of us are just trying to survive until Christmas, not ruin the magic for the kids and not forget something. Susan is hated mainly out of jealousy. Plus according to this rant she named one of her precious crotch fruit Avacado, soooo……
Everytime they walk past the tree a chocolate decoration disappears. Eventually you’ll reach into the tub of celebrations to be confronted with Snickers, Bountys and empty wrappers. Every year you’ll buy more chocolate to try and counter act the thief. Every year you’ll end up angry.
When you’ve bought an awesome gift for someone but as soon as they open it you realise it can’t actually be used yet. It needs charging. It’s impossible to get out the packaging. It needs batteries. It’s still got the security tag on. So fucking annoying!
This post was most definitely kinda ranty and positively one of the worst for being grammatically correct. #sorrynotsorry
Hope you enjoyed