I’ve written, rewritten and then written again this post I don’t know how many times. Maybe grab a drink because believe me, there’s a lot I want to say. I know from experience though it’ll probably come out a bunch of swearing ramblings with the point I was tryna make in the middle somewhere. I apologise in advance. However it’s all personal thoughts from the heart.
If you’ve read any of my posts here or on my ‘old blog’ www.missclx.com you’ll have noticed I tend to write exactly as I speak. So yeah, nothing I ever write is going to be the greatest piece of grammatical reading. (I bet you’re looking forward to the book already 😉 ) I’m never going to be the most perfect or most popular blogger. I’m just never going to be perfect in life.
In December 2017 I had every intention of doing blogmas. I had some great content ideas, was feeling festive and inspired… Then chronic pain took hold, like really fucking took hold. I’ve struggled for a long time with pain, but nothing and I mean NOTHING ever prepares you for the moment you contemplate throwing yourself in front of a car or straight up killing yourself two weeks before Christmas. YES I was in THAT much pain. If I got hit by a car, best case scenario I’d break both my legs, end up needing surgery and drugging up to my eyeballs. That would be enough time for the pain in my face to chill the fuck out. Worst case scenario, well we all know what that is, but hey at least I wouldn’t be in pain right? I’m used to the rollercoaster of up and down days. That day … was shit.
Here’s a little mind fuck for you… You get to a place where you feel comfortable in your skin and your body. Even if it doesn’t always work right. Then you have to start medication that causes an average weight gain of 40 pounds. You can be body happy and ill or obese and pain free, you can’t have both.. I bet you’re reading this thinking the answers obvious. To most it is, and to me it was too. Right now though I can’t help feel disgusted when in the mirror.
Charlotte this is sooooo depressing. Why are you telling us this stuff ? First of all people wanted me to write more personal posts. Second and most importantly of all as a way for me to express myself. Believe it or not that was why I started to blog in the first place….for me. Honestly I think a lot of bloggers / vloggers forget that before they turned their blogs into businesses, they were just safe little corners of the internet where you could express yourself. BE yourself…
I’m so sick of pretending to be something I’m not, whether it’s online, or in real life, all I want to be is me.
The only goal I have for 2018 is happiness. I truly hope to share my journey some of that happiness with you on here
I won’t promise you an upload schedule, because I’ll only fail and end up annoyed with myself. I really need to beat myself up less going forward. I do have some plans for a blog overhaul, new look etc as well as some cool content but I’ll keep you all in suspense.
Remember to follow so you don’t miss out !!
Ok so this post is probably a) not what you expect it’s going to be and b) a little all over the place. Bare with me.
It’s hard not to log on to social media and be bombarded by cliche motivational quotes, inspirational life transformation stories. The if I can do it you can posts. I follow a lot of fitness models so believe me they’re there. You may have a little read, relate, hit the like button, but are you actually inspired? Or motivated? Are you gonna put out your morning ciggie and go for a run? (Yep I’m a dirty smoker)
I read a lot of articles while preparing to write this post and the general consensus was that posting quotes isn’t actually motivational or inspirational at all. It’s just a quick way of racking up the Instagram likes.
Now I’m 1000% guilty of posting this type of content on my social media feeds. Not because I have any intent on inspiring anyone, but more so because I want to remember said quote myself.
Ultimately though any positive changes I’ve made in life have been down to me. My own real life experiences offer motivation. For example not being able to fit in my favourite jeans any more motivated me to lose weight.
The subject of weightloss leads me talking about body confidence. I’ve said a million times that I love a good selfie, and yeah, watching the number of likes go up on a picture certainly makes me feel good. Likes aren’t everything though. Likes won’t help you when you can’t stand what you see each morning in the mirror.
I’ve genuinely known girls go out dressed in the most ridiculous and uncomfortable outfits. They aren’t happy but it looks good on Instagram right? We all need to start caring a little less about what our social media followers think and ask ourselves if we like what we’re wearing, if we feel good.
Confidence in general, or specifically body confidence, just like motivation and inspiration comes from within. It comes from you. No amount of quotes or likes can create it.
YOU HAVE THE POWER AND ALWAYS HAVE DONE !!
Told you this post would seem all over the place but I hope it’s made some sense at least.