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F**k Off Friday !! CHRISTMAS EDITION !! – Blogmas #8

WARNING: There’s strong sweary language in this post. Just in case you didn’t work it out from the title.

Some of you may remember that back as part of blogtober I did a post called Fuck Off Friday. You can read it here if you’re interested. Long story short it was a blog post summing up everything that had pissed me off that week. Everything I was totally over and that I could do with just, you know, fucking off. It ended up being one of the most popular posts on my blog to date.

So here we are again. Another month of blogging and a whole other list of the things that have wound me the fuck up recently. As it’s blogmas, this is gonna essentially be the Christmas edition.

Magic Monster

But Charlotte, what the fuck is a magic monster? Well Internet, I’m glad you asked. These are the adult arseholes that go around ruining the Christmas magic for children everywhere. FOR NO FUCKING REASON except, I dunno, maybe someone did the same to them when they were younger. Or, you know, they’re just shitty people. The guy in sports direct who declared to an eight year old that Santa was dead and called him an idiot for believing. The person shouting outside a toy store that Santa isn’t real, telling them to ask their parents. Kids are only young once. Enjoy it and let them be kids. Sure one day they’ll stop believing but in their own time. Adults shouldn’t ruin the innocence and magic of this time of year for their own selfish reasons.

Christmas Tree Snobbery.

Real or fake. Ten foot or two. Green, pink or white. It doesn’t really matter and a lot of it is down to personal preference and individual circumstances. For instance an eight foot real tree probably isn’t practical for a studio apartment on the sixteenth floor. However every year everyone feels the need to show off their trees online, (I did a whole blog post) getting slightly braggy and competitive over the height, colour and decorations. Just letting y’all know that it doesn’t matter if you think someone else’s tree looks shit, or it isn’t decorated to your tastes / standards. If it isn’t in your home. Just mind your fucking own.

Perfect parents

Susan, one of the admin in your most visited Facebook mums group, just loves to let everyone know at every opportunity she gets, that she’s basically mum of the year at this point. If Christmas was an Olympic sport, she’d win gold. Susan will be front row and way too over enthusiastic at the kids nativity. Her child will get a lead part, of course. A photo will appear on your news feed of all her little darlings prezzies under the tree where she’ll ask if spending over a grand on little Avacados thirty-seven presents is enough. Susan will spend weekend evenings creating paper snowflakes and decorations with her youngest two whilst also baking the most amazing Christmas cake. The rest of us are just trying to survive until Christmas, not ruin the magic for the kids and not forget something. Susan is hated mainly out of jealousy. Plus according to this rant she named one of her precious crotch fruit Avacado, soooo……

Chocolate thieves

Everytime they walk past the tree a chocolate decoration disappears. Eventually you’ll reach into the tub of celebrations to be confronted with Snickers, Bountys and empty wrappers. Every year you’ll buy more chocolate to try and counter act the thief. Every year you’ll end up angry.

Technical difficulties

When you’ve bought an awesome gift for someone but as soon as they open it you realise it can’t actually be used yet. It needs charging. It’s impossible to get out the packaging. It needs batteries. It’s still got the security tag on. So fucking annoying!

This post was most definitely kinda ranty and positively one of the worst for being grammatically correct. #sorrynotsorry

Hope you enjoyed

Charlotte

xxx

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That’s a cracker – Blogmas #7

One of the best parts of Christmas Day is that moment at lunchtime when everyone pulls open a cracker, sticks on a flimsy paper hat, argues over the best cracker prize and starts telling some absolutely dire joke found inside.

In celebration of these pieces of hilarious comedic genius, *eye roll* I’ve rounded up 10 of my favourite in this quick post. Perfects for breaking any awkward silences or when your selfish idiot of a brother reads out your joke before you. Why do they put the same joke more than once, in THE SAME box of crackers ??!!

Prepare yourself ………..

Why was the turkey chosen for the band? He bought his own drumsticks

How will Christmas dinner change after Brexit? No Brussels

What did Santa do at speed dating? He pulled a cracker !

Why are Christmas trees so bad a knitting? They’re always dropping their needles

Why did the skeleton miss the party? He had no body to go with

Why did Sant quit smoking? It was bad for his elf

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire ? Frostbite

Which athlete is the warmest during winter? A long jumper

What did the snowman say to the angry carrot? Get out of my face !!

What happened to the advent calendar thief? He got 25 days

Let me know your best Christmas cracker or dad joke.

Charlotte

xxx

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Oh Christmas Tree – Blogmas #3

Every year we make the family outing to choose a Christmas tree. This years been no different. I feel like it was done a little earlier in december than usual, but the end result was a perfectly good tree bought slightly bigger than the room it was intended to go in, and requiring some good old saw action to cut it down to size.

Incase you haven’t already worked it out, yes we got a real tree. Different families have different traditions, different colour themes. We went, as my brother would say, abstract. In other words we got a massive green tree chosen by a three year old. Then we entrusted said three year old with the help of another three year old to decorate it. The temptation to re do it after they went to bed was real y’all.

I’ll be in charge of decorating my own black artificial tree. Complete with turquoise baubles. No sense of abstract here.

I have to admit it was fun though, seeing the start of Christmas through my nephews eyes. They’ve already mastered the art of stealing the chocolate decorations when they think no ones looking.

We even have random penguin and owl lights .

Every year I see endless posts by people showing of their perfectly assembled and decorated front rooms and trees. There’s no denying they look amazing. However, I think ours is better, mainly because it was made with the love and excitement of a couple of three year old boys, rather than perfectionist adults.

The setting up of the tree and seeing the lights has really got me into the Christmas spirit. Even if the festive season seems to arrive a little earlier each year, it’s difficult to stay bah humbug for long.

Have you got your tree up yet?

Charlotte

xxxx

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It’s Blogmas !! Day #1

Welcome back to blogmas guys !! There’s not been a lot happening on here in November, mainly cuz blogtober was a mission and I needed a bit of a break to be fair. Hit the follow button and have a browse of my social media because everyday from now until Christmas Day there’s gonna be brand spanking new content…. Yay!!

I’m not sure how many of y’all can relate but being a single, childless adult, Christmas doesn’t really seem all that exciting. However I’m blessed to have a large family full of tiny humans who are just starting to experience the magic of this festive season for the first time. It’s because of them, that I’m looking forward to a couple of things. In no real order….

  • Elf on the shelf
  • Picking out the Christmas tree
  • Decorating the tree
  • Food
  • Taking the little ones to see santa for the first time
  • More food
  • Advent Calenders
  • Christmas Movies
  • Cosy PJs
  • Leaving a drink and mince pie out for Santa on Christmas Eve. (Don’t forget something for the reindeer)
  • Explaining how Father Christmas delivers all the presents
  • Building a Gingerbread house

None of this as a single adult really interests me, apart from food and cozy pjs, but I honestly can’t wait.

This year I’m also lucky enough to manage to blag 2 Christmas lunches, one on xmas eve and one Christmas Day …. Yes I love food.

What are you most looking forward too?

Charlotte

xxx